It's been a while since I posted, Myspace is so gay, all it is, is to show how many friends someone has it's gay, ( Then why do I have one? )       

Well Cody and liz broke up, now he's being all stupid about it, My job is pretty decent, I actually enjoy it, My brother's baby is due at the begining of next month, and his band is playing at the Pink eye at the begining of Dec. and I got to hang out with Sarah, and we went to nightmear, but most of the hanging out was in line for over 3 hours. And thats been pretty much all thats all that has been going on in my life. So Later.

P.S. Like my pic I drew it muself lol...

School is pretty good this year, except my first 2 calssses their pretty lame. So how's it going for everyone else?

Can anyone, tell me why I'm so stupid, that I end up loveing people that use me, or don't love me back? This is why I'm mean then when I try to be nice this is what happens, then it later effect me cuz then when someone does love me I can't love them back, and it bothers me.  

I personally did not wright whats below, but I'm friends with the guy who did. The reason I put it on here is cuz after reading it he's completly right, and after reading it I thought what's the point of making friends in high school? Think about it how many of your friends will you actually be friends still, in 5 years from now? I mean hanging out after work, going on vacation toget her? how many, think about nice and hard

I see people.

I see them drunk. I see them smiling for the camera. I see them kissing and posing in sexy positions. I see them shirtless in a cage. I see them on MySpace. I see them going to eat in big groups because they can't enjoy a quiet meal. I see one bouncing up and down on the other's lap. I see them at iHOP, drinking coffee and laying on one another.

I hear these people, too. I hear about how they get back together with their abusive boyfriend. I hear about how they give head to someone they don't know in a limo. I hear about how they're cheated on, mistreated, and left idle at the end because they don't know any other way.

But you wouldn't know anything's wrong to look at them. Attractive? Maybe. Smiling? Certainly. All the time in the world's to be had.

But they look like shit, because you actually can tell.

I look at her, in our old pictures together, and I see a girl who's terrified of herself. I see a girl who hates herself so much that she will throw herself into any dooming situation she can find, even if she is afraid of the consequences. I see a girl who smokes because they say it will kill her. One of those cry-for-help things, I think. I see a girl who will never have life-long friends, only 3-6 month "cycle" friends who she can use as the excuse while she takes trips to see the guy who she throws up her food for.

I look at him, and I see a guy who has sort of a forward direction in life. But I also see someone who preaches the "word of God" to anyone who will listen and anyone who will not, but also appears at gay pride events to tell off protestors. His marrage will be a lifeless one, with a wife and maybe one or two kids, while he ignites an affair with a man or two or three and will never know who he is until he's an old man, sad and alone.

I look at the guy who's always around but never used to be. But he's a blank slate. Where's the personality? Tell me there's something more to him. Oh, wait. Pause for the photographer, and smile for the camera. I hear his high pitched voice and wonder about how it can't possibly be natural, but maybe it is.

I look at the guy who I introduced to this ugly world and all of it's politics. The outside of him seems normal. He hasn't changed a bit. Maybe his hair got longer. But when I left, and he ran around, he lost his soul. His talent... what probably would have gotten him through a life of profound satisfaction and made more of a difference than he thinks... he pissed away. He wasn't sure. Now he's important, of course. Leading a parade. Wearing dress slacks and a tie. If there was ever a person you need to notice, it's him. Now. His dignified presence. His hand shake. That perfect smile and wide-open eyes. He used to be worth a lot, and now he's worth almost nothing.

I can't forget the guy in the back, who I seldom see around but double-take to see how he looks, if nothing else. He looked cuter when I dated him, and seemed pretty normal until I realized what a selfish guy he turned out to be. He screams his cause, but he's not actually his cause. He screams to burst out of your stereotype, but he is his own stereotype. He is probably the guy who I would wish well in life, and tell him how happy I hoped he turned out to be... and he would say, "fuck you" when I turned around. But only when I turned around.

I see the guy I met several times, but didn't truly meet until he noticed I wanted to clean up his house after everyone trashed. He's always around, and always smiling. But he looks like crap. Like the rest of the smiling accumulation. He is smart. He's capable. And he has a consciounce that used to never fail.

But then I look at the guy I used to always write about and realized that he's going to be okay. He didn't want to listen to me, but he realized everything about his life around him on his own. He grew the fuck up. He's the one I thought was hopeless.

I'm here, in the corner, with my cup of black coffee and my camera that observes even more than I do. When I frown, I frown as loud as I smile. And when I smile, it's real.

 Later  ~Sam*~

Do you ever feel like you just want to go into a dark hole and excape from the rest of the rest of the world? I do, and it suck's.espacally when it's because you realize you made a few mastakes, it's not to late to cange them, you know what to do, but you just can't. They all have merged together and almost become one. You can only fix one of them, but which one? You just can't figure out which one means the most to you, It's one of those dicission's that could and will effect you for a long time. You think about it everyday, and wonder when you will figure out how and what to fix.

                                    ~*Sam*~